The Texas Hold Up

I have been in Mexico for 7 months now and it feels like merely a blink and yet so much has happened! The drive here has been really setting in - and (as is the nature of) hindsight a lot of perspective has come. So much of what exists out there in the sphere regarding fear advises us to somehow overpower it, overcome it, be bigger than it.. fear is only asking you to notice it and carry it softly. Fear is a gift. Sometimes it keeps us alive and sometimes it shows us where the next levels are… sometimes it presents us with opportunities!

By the time I had made it to the Reynosa / Hidalgo border I was exhausted and still just starting to be able to come out of survival mode. I found a dingy cheap motel near the border where I planned to only stay for one night. But, I really did not have any concrete plans other than I knew I needed to get to Cancun even though I had no clue why. I thought about visiting cool sites on the way through the US that have been on my list but this was not the time for that. It was as straight as shot as possible from Saskatoon to Cancun. And the first night I made sure I did not stop until I was on the U.S side of the border.

So, I am in this motel in Texas for a total of four nights I think. And people start to fear monger and I end up in online groups trying to track ways through Mexico…. went for an oil change, asked locals, they said it was fine. So I eventually just followed my initially planned route. And one might be tempted to assess this as wasted time and energy… but in this group, I met Melanie!

And so it has been this entire fucking journey. When I left I knew I was on a quest. I could not explain it rationally or logically to myself or anyone else really I just knew that my chances were better taken on myself. I have not had a fucking clue about anything in the last 7 months. And I remember now that recovering from this kind abuse and trauma doesn’t just snap out of it. Its a gradual process.

And I knew that I needed to face some things that could never be faced from inside the same confines of creation. It has been one fucking hell of a roller coaster ride. It is scary to watch your life crumble before your eyes - every single time it has been the same lol. This is just part of our humanity. But I can also say that every single time what was built from the rubble has without a doubt always been better than its predecessor.

I did not know what Emerald Goddess was to become at the time. But I knew She needed to be brought to life… and through me Emerald Goddess International has been created.

And so, the Texas hold up was just more example of the myriad ways in which having no clue and no plan led to some pretty incredible chance encounters!

I have too many stories like this for now ….

But, maybe you don’t always have to know what you are doing?! Maybe sometimes that is actually part of the fun?